When you choose to pursue surrogacy, you are making a life-changing decision that will impact you in many ways. However, you are not the only person who will be affected — your surrogacy will also impact the people around you, and particularly your significant other.
In this article, learn how surrogacy might affect your partner, and find advice for keeping your relationship strong throughout the process.
Talking to Your Partner about Surrogacy
Before making any decisions about surrogacy, you should discuss it at length with your partner and make sure you are both on the same page. If your significant other is not supportive of your surrogacy plans, or if your relationship is not stable going into the surrogacy process, there can be significant ramifications for your success as a surrogate.
Talking to your partner before and during the surrogacy process is the best way to overcome any challenges that you, your significant other or your relationship may face. If you are having difficulties talking to your significant other about surrogacy, or if he or she is not supportive of your surrogacy plans, consider meeting as a couple with a surrogacy specialist or marriage and family counselor.
Surrogacy’s Effect on Your Significant Other
Surrogates and their significant others might wonder how surrogacy might affect their relationship. Every surrogacy experience is different, and some couples may face more challenges than others. Here are some common ways your relationship may be impacted by surrogacy:
- Restrictions on intimacy: Leading up to the embryo transfer, you will work with a fertility specialist to ensure the highest possibility of pregnancy success. You will likely take fertility medications, which can make a surprise pregnancy a distinct possibility. You and your partner will need to abstain from intimate activity during this time — likely a month or longer. Your intimate relationship may take a hit during the pregnancy as well; some couples are generally less intimate during pregnancy, and others feel differently about intimacy knowing that you are carrying a baby for another family.
- Shifts in responsibility: During your pregnancy, you may not feel well or have as much energy as usual, which means your partner may need to help with more of your day-to-day responsibilities around the house and with your children.
- Conversations about the pregnancy: Friends, family members, acquaintances and even strangers often have a lot to say about any pregnancy, and even more questions and comments when surrogacy is involved. Your partner may be asked about your pregnancy and whether he or she is excited to be a parent. You both need to be prepared to answer these questions and to talk about the surrogacy with others.
- Limited activity: Some of your favorite family activities may have to be put on hold during your pregnancy. You may not have the energy to take the kids to an amusement park, go on a long vacation or attend a loud concert with your partner; instead, you may have to adjust your lifestyle and find new ways to enjoy your time together at home.
Keeping Your Relationship Strong During Surrogacy
Even the most well-established relationships may be tested at times during the surrogacy process. Here are some ways to keep both partners happy and ensure your relationship remains healthy throughout the pregnancy:
- Keep your partner involved. Get your significant other’s support from the beginning, and encourage him or her to see your surrogacy professional as early in the process as possible. Ask them to come with you to significant appointments, and continuously find ways to make them feel like they are a part of the process.
- Communicate. Open communication is the key to all healthy relationships, especially in times of stress. Talk with your partner consistently throughout the process, and consider speaking to a counselor if you are struggling to communicate effectively.
- Focus on the positives. Think back to your reasons for choosing surrogacy. Whenever things get tense, remind yourself and your partner that your family is benefiting from this experience. For example, in compensated surrogacy, you may have additional funds to put toward a house or college education.
- Remember that it’s temporary. You may not be as intimate during your surrogate pregnancy, and your partner may feel overwhelmed with additional housework or childcare responsibilities — but try to remember that these challenges are temporary and that things should return to normal once the baby is born.
- Know you’re not alone. Pregnancy can be challenging for any family, and you and your partner are not the first to struggle with your relationship during this time. Try to find support from family and friends who have been there, and talk with your surrogacy professional to find other surrogate couples who are facing similar challenges.
Pregnancy is a highly emotional time that can be stressful for any expecting woman and her partner, but it may be especially difficult for your significant other to cope with these challenges knowing that he or she won’t get the benefit of a new family member in the end. However, with the right preparation and open, constructive communication, surrogacy can be a positive and rewarding experience for both of you — and your relationship will be stronger because of it.
Are you interested in learning more about surrogacy or starting the process? Complete our form to request free surrogacy information now.