When making a big decision like surrogacy, you should involve your partner.
Surrogacy requires a lot of physical and emotional energy and will occupy up to a year or more of your life. Having your spouse’s support during your surrogacy journey will be invaluable.
To get information about how to talk to your spouse about becoming a surrogate, reach out to a professional today. But, to find out how your surrogacy may impact your partner, keep reading.
Your Significant Other and Surrogacy
Talking to your partner before and during the surrogacy process is the best way to overcome any challenges that you, your significant other or your relationship may face. If your partner is not familiar with surrogacy, they will probably have questions.
Planning what you want to say ahead of time can help you better explain the surrogacy process and your motivation behind it. Anticipating questions your spouse may have and having talking points prepared can help you address any questions or concerns they may have.
Most of the hesitation from husbands of surrogate mothers stems from misconceptions or not understanding how the process works. Some fear that their partner will be intimately involved in the conception of the child or that you are being exploited. Neither of these things is true. This is where doing your own research ahead of the conversation can make a world of difference.
If you are having difficulties talking to your surrogacy husband about surrogacy, or if he or she is not supportive of your surrogacy plans, consider meeting as a couple with a surrogacy specialist or marriage and family counselor.
Surrogacy’s Effect on Your Significant Other
Surrogates and their significant others might wonder how surrogacy might affect their relationship. Every surrogacy experience is different, and some couples may face more challenges than others. Here are some common ways your relationship may be impacted by surrogacy:
- Restrictions on intimacy: Leading up to the embryo transfer, you will work with a fertility specialist to ensure the highest possibility of pregnancy success. You will likely take fertility medications, which can make a surprise pregnancy a distinct possibility. You and your partner will need to abstain from intimate activity during this time — likely a month or longer. Your intimate relationship with your surrogacy husband may take a hit during the pregnancy as well; some couples are generally less intimate during pregnancy, and others feel differently about intimacy knowing that you are carrying a baby for another family.
- Shifts in responsibility: During your pregnancy, you may not feel well or have as much energy as usual, which means your partner may need to help with more of your day-to-day responsibilities around the house and with your children.
- Conversations about the pregnancy: Friends, family members, acquaintances and even strangers often have a lot to say about any pregnancy, and even more questions and comments when surrogacy is involved. Your partner may be asked about your pregnancy and whether he or she is excited to be a parent. You both need to be prepared to answer these questions and to talk about the surrogacy with others.
- Limited activity: Some of your favorite family activities may have to be put on hold during your pregnancy. You may not have the energy to take the kids to an amusement park, go on a long vacation or attend a loud concert with your partner; instead, you may have to adjust your lifestyle and find new ways to enjoy your time together at home.
Keeping Your Relationship Strong During Surrogacy
Even the most well-established relationships may be tested at times during the surrogacy process. Here are some ways to reassure husbands of surrogate mothers and ensure your relationship remains healthy throughout the pregnancy:
- Keep your partner involved. Get your significant other’s support from the beginning, and encourage him or her to see your surrogacy professional as early in the process as possible. Ask them to come with you to significant appointments, and continuously find ways to make them feel like they are a part of the process.
- Open communication is the key to all healthy relationships, especially in times of stress. Talk with your partner consistently throughout the process, and consider speaking to a counselor if you are struggling to communicate effectively.
- Focus on the positives. Think back to your reasons for choosing surrogacy. Whenever things get tense, remind yourself and your partner that your family is benefiting from this experience. For example, in compensated surrogacy, you may have additional funds to put toward a house or college education.
- Remember that it’s temporary. You may not be as intimate during your surrogate pregnancy, and your partner may feel overwhelmed with additional housework or childcare responsibilities — but try to remember that these challenges are temporary and that things should return to normal once the baby is born.
In addition to surrogacy affecting your relationship with your partner, there are also a few requirements they will need to meet. Your partner will undergo a blood test for communicable diseases and a urine drug screen to ensure that you will be carrying this baby in a safe and stable environment. They will also be required to complete the psychological screening portion of the process to gauge how spouses of surrogates feel about surrogacy and address any concerns they may have.
If you’re not sure how to talk to your partner about becoming a surrogate, you can reach out to an adoption professional today. They can help guide you through talking points and provide tips on how to talk to surrogacy husbands about becoming a gestational character.
Starting Your Surrogacy Journey With the Help of Your Partner
Are you interested in learning more about surrogacy or starting the process? Complete our form to request free surrogacy information now.