Because surrogacy is such a collaborative process, having the support of you partner is invaluable. Even though you will be the one going through the surrogacy process, your family will also be affected. Unfortunately, there is a chance of your partner or husband being against surrogacy.
To get guidance on how to talk to a partner who doesn’t support your surrogacy decision, reach out to a surrogacy professional today.
What do you do when you want to be a surrogate but your husband doesn’t want you to? In many instances, spouses are hesitant at the idea of their partner becoming a surrogate because they don’t know enough about the surrogacy process and how it works. He may have misconceptions due to inaccurate representation of surrogacy in media and pop culture.
Having your spouse’s support is necessary to become a surrogate and to have a positive surrogacy experience. Just know that his reservations don’t mean he won’t come around to the idea. Once he hears your reasoning and has the right information, he may change his mind. Continue reading below to learn more about how to talk to an unsupportive partner.
My Husband doesn’t Want me to be a Surrogate [What can I do?]
If your spouse isn’t supportive of your decision to become a surrogate, there’s a good chance they don’t have an understanding of what surrogacy really is. Before you have this conversation with your partner, it’s important that you have done your own thorough research so that you can explain the surrogacy process to the best of your ability. This will also help you anticipate any questions or concerns that they may have so that you can properly address them.
While making sure your partner understands the logistics of the process can be helpful, it’s also important that they understand your reasoning behind it. Talk about the benefits of surrogacy and why it’s important to you to help intended parents have a child who shares their genetics.
When talking about surrogacy with your partner, be sure to give them time to process what you’re saying. Surrogacy is a complex process, and it can be a lot to take in at first.
Preparing what you’re going to say ahead of time can help you articulate why you want to be a surrogate and what surrogacy is. Encourage them to ask questions and voice concerns they have. If they have questions that you don’t have the answers for, write them down so that you can do the research to find them the answers they’re looking for.
Why your Spouse Might be Hesitant
One of the possible reasons your husband is against surrogacy could be that they don’t know what surrogacy is. Or what they do know is comprised of misconceptions.
Your partner may also just be concerned for your wellbeing. They might be worried that the intended parents are exploiting you, or that your health could be adversely affected. He could also be concerned about how surrogacy might affect your relationship.
Make sure that your partner understands that while surrogacy will affect your family, it won’t be in a negative way. Reassure them that it’s only temporary and that once the baby is born, things will return to normal.
Let them know that you will need their practical and emotional support throughout the surrogacy process. In fact, surrogacy agencies require that you have the support of your spouse. If you don’t, they may ask that you postpone your surrogacy journey.
How to Involve your Spouse
If your partner is unsure about your decision to become a surrogate, they may just need time to process the news. The concept of their partner carrying someone else’s baby can be a lot to wrap their mind around at first. If you want to be a surrogate but your husband doesn’t know how to feel about it, here are some ways you can fortify your relationship during this time.
- Involve your spouse. Letting your spouse take part in the surrogacy process and making sure they feel involved can help them become more comfortable with the surrogacy process. You could do this by having them accompany you to doctor’s appointments and surrogacy meetings. Allow them to get to know the intended parents you are carrying for. All of this can bring the two of you closer together and help put their mind at ease.
- Focus on the positives. Be sure to remind your partner that they are supporting you in giving a person or couple a beautiful gift. You and your partner may also have the opportunity to pay off debt or put money towards a house or other financial goal thanks to the surrogate compensation.
- Communicate. Communication before, during and after the surrogacy process is vital. Make sure that you are keeping your partner in the loop about what’s going on and how you are feeling. Check in with them regularly so that they have a chance to talk about how they’re feeling or voice any concerns they have.
If your partner isn’t immediately supportive of your decision to become a surrogate, don’t get discouraged. During this time, you can help them understand what surrogacy is and how it benefits everyone involved.
Give them time to process and make sure you are communicating clearly and consistently. By showing them patience and understanding, they might come around to the idea and share in your excitement. To get more information on how to talk to an unsupportive partner about surrogacy, contact a professional now.