How to Include Your Friends in Your Surrogacy Journey

Key Points:

• It’s up to you whether or not you want to include your friends in your surrogacy journey.
• There are several ways you can tell your friends about your decision to become a surrogate.
• Be prepared to answer questions your friends may have about the surrogacy process.

Your friends: They’re likely one of the true constants in your life. They’re there for you during the good times and bad, and they may be one of the first people that you turn to with news.

When you decide to be a gestational carrier, you’re probably thrilled at the journey ahead of you. But, you may wonder: How do I tell my friends about such a big decision?

Speak with a specialist today!

The decision of who to tell and how to tell them will always be up to you. When you’re a surrogate, it’s up to you to make the best surrogacy support system for your journey. That may or may not include your friends.

If you think it will, there are a few things you should know before having these big conversations.

Why Tell Your Friends About Your Surrogacy Decision

First, you may be wondering: Why should I even include my friends in my surrogacy journey?

Friends are more than just people to hang out and get drinks with. They are people who will be there for you through your challenges and successes. And there’s no denying that being a gestational carrier can bring some of your greatest challenges and successes in your life.

As a gestational surrogate, you’ll need to create a surrogacy support system. These will be the people who are there for you during the hard and rewarding parts of your surrogacy journey. Your friends may be the ideal people to include. They likely live close, are familiar with your family’s daily schedule, and know you better than anyone.

When you include your friends in your surrogacy support system, they can:

• Watch your children when you have to attend appointments and other important meetings
• Bring over dinner when you’ve had a hard day of simultaneously being pregnant and being a mom
• Give you emotional support when you need someone to talk to
• And more

So, when considering whether to tell your friends about your surrogacy plans, ask yourself: Who will be the best people to support my family and me during this journey?

How to Tell Your Friends About Your Surrogacy Decision

Now that you know why friends can be so instrumental in your surrogacy journey, how do you share this life-changing news with them?

You may have already shared your surrogacy desires earlier with some of your friends. For others, this announcement will seem to come out of the blue. Therefore, your relationship with a given friend will often determine how you announce your decision.

Your announcement style will be completely up to you, but here are a few options you might entertain:

• Individually, in-person: Sometimes, important news like this is best served in-person. If you have only a few friends you want to tell about your surrogacy decision, the best way might be telling them individually. That way, you can answer any questions they have in a more comfortable setting, especially if you are unsure of how they will react to your news.
• At a group get-together: On the other hand, sometimes a group setting can help temper negative reactions. If you have a large group of close friends you want to tell, you might put together a group lunch or dinner. After catching up with each other, you can tell them your big news — and address all of their questions and concerns at once.
• Over social media: Some surrogates choose to share their news to the largest audience possible — all of their friends and family on social media. Usually, this kind of announcement is best delayed until you are pregnant. A social media post can be the best way to address your pregnancy and avoid misunderstandings from those who will see you in the next nine months. Before announcing your pregnancy on social media, read up on some tips and advice to do it as appropriately as possible.

How Your Friends May Respond to Your News

So, what are some of the questions and comments you might receive from your group of friends?

It’s very important that you are prepared to answer these questions before you start this conversation. Unfortunately, there is still a great deal of miseducation about gestational surrogacy. This misinformation may emerge as your friends react to your surrogacy news.

Be prepared for questions and comments about:

• Your genetic relationship with the baby: When it comes to the word “surrogacy,” many people automatically assume it’s traditional, not gestational. You may get a few questions or comments about “giving up your baby.” So, take this opportunity to educate about the realities of gestational surrogacy, and emphasize that you are just “babysitting” the intended parents’ child until he or she is ready to go home.
• Your financial compensation: The next big question you may receive is, “How much are you getting paid?” While it’s normal for people to wonder about this aspect, remember that this is sensitive information between you and your intended parents. Explain to your friends that all of your costs are being covered and your intended parents and you agreed on a compensation rate you are comfortable with. End the topic with, “The details of my compensation are confidential, so I can’t talk about it any further.”
• The intended parents: Your friends will likely be curious about the people you have chosen to carry for. They may have a lot of questions for you, but remember that the intended parents’ story is their own — not yours to tell. You might talk with them beforehand to determine what information they are comfortable with sharing. But, when it comes to answering your friends’ questions, it’s a good idea to share only the basics.

Friends can be a great part of your surrogacy support system — but you know who else can? A surrogacy professional. If you aren’t yet working with a surrogacy agency, or you have more questions before embarking on this journey, contact a professional today to get the answers you need.