How to Explain Surrogacy to Your Children

When you become a surrogate, you will already have had kids of your own — and explaining your surrogacy to them can be complicated. Here are some tips.


If you are like most surrogates, you completed your own family before beginning the surrogacy process, and you are currently raising your children in your home — which means that, sooner or later, you will need to talk with them about your surrogacy plans.

Surrogacy is a complicated topic, even for many adults to understand, and it can be difficult to know when and how to talk to your children about surrogacy. In this article, find suggestions for beginning the discussion and promoting a positive view of surrogacy among your children.

Involving Your Children in the Surrogacy Process

Surrogacy is a family event. As the surrogate, you do the majority of the work — but the process will have an impact on your entire family, including your children. For example, your pregnancy and appointments may make you less available to your children, and your children may experience a wide range of emotions, from jealousy and longing for a sibling to the excitement and eagerness to help another family.

It is almost always beneficial to involve your children in the surrogacy experience. Your children’s level of involvement may vary based on their age, maturity, and feelings toward the surrogacy, and will likely begin with a gentle introduction to the topic of surrogacy, followed by a more concrete explanation once a pregnancy is confirmed.

Here are some ideas for introducing surrogacy to your children and involving them in the surrogacy process:

These steps will give your children a solid understanding of what surrogacy is, how it works, why you are doing it and where the baby belongs. Involving your children in the surrogacy process will encourage them to see surrogacy as a positive and special gift and will help prepare them for the baby to be born and go home with the intended parents.

Guidelines for Talking to Your Children about Surrogacy

Surrogates should continue to talk with their children openly and honestly about surrogacy throughout the process — this should not be a one-time conversation, but an ongoing dialogue. Every conversation you have with your children about surrogacy should be:

Using these guidelines, it may be helpful to write out some of your thoughts before sharing them with your children. If you are raising your children with a partner, speak with them on this subject so both parents are on the same page when it comes to discussing surrogacy with your children.

Children’s Books about Surrogacy

Books can be a great way to help introduce surrogacy to your children. While it may be difficult to find a story that perfectly reflects your situation, these children’s books may be a good place to start:

Final Thoughts

As you go through the surrogacy process, it is important to keep communication open. Continue to share information about your surrogacy journey with your children, and invite them to ask questions. It may help make surrogacy a normal part of everyday life and conversation, and may make your children more open-minded and accepting of families of all backgrounds.

If you need additional ideas for how to bring up the topic of surrogacy in conversation, talk with your surrogacy specialist, counselor, or other surrogacy professional for help developing a plan.

Are you interested in learning more about surrogacy or starting the process? Complete our form to request free surrogacy information now.

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