Am I Meant to Be a Parent?

How to Deal With Challenging Emotions After Failed IVF

KEY POINTS:

• The emotions you feel after a failed IVF cycle don’t define whether you’re meant to be a parent.
• There are various ways to become a parent, including surrogacy, egg or sperm donation and adoption.
• Taking time to grieve, practicing self-care and seeking emotional support can help you cope and prepare for your next steps.

It’s normal to start questioning yourself after a failed in vitro fertilization (IVF) attempt. Am I meant to be a parent? Is this my path?

Many people who experience failed IVF ask themselves the same things. However, it’s important to remember that there are still paths to parenthood even when IVF doesn’t work. You can find a way to fulfill your dream, whether through additional treatments, surrogacy, adoption or other alternatives.

In this article, we’ll explore the complex emotions that can arise after a failed IVF cycle and offer guidance on how to manage them.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, we’re here to help. We offer counseling services to support you through this time.

Am I Meant to Be a Parent? [Coping With Failed IVF]

After a failed IVF cycle, it’s natural to ask, “Am I meant to be a parent?” or “What if I’m not meant to have kids?” It’s important to remember that your worthiness to become a parent isn’t defined by the outcome of IVF treatment. Parenthood is about your love, dedication and readiness to raise a child, not the success or failure of IVF.

IVF can fail for many reasons beyond your control. Some people find success after multiple attempts, while others explore different paths to parenthood. What matters most is your willingness to open your heart and home to a child.

Am I Meant to Have Another Baby? [Secondary Infertility]

Secondary infertility is when you struggle to conceive after already having one or more children. You may feel let down by your body or even guilty for wanting another child when you already have a family. These emotions are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them. Wanting to grow your family is natural, and struggling with secondary infertility doesn’t diminish your journey. It’s simply another challenge to overcome.

Learn more about your fertility options.

Struggling to Cope After Failed IVF

The pain of a failed IVF cycle can be overwhelming. It’s understandable to feel disappointed and angry after investing so much time, energy and hope into this process. These feelings don’t mean you’re not meant to be a parent — they’re a natural part of this challenging journey.

Here are five common failed IVF emotions you might be experiencing:

• Grief: If you feel like you’ve lost the dream of parenthood, it’s okay to mourn that loss.
• Loss: You might feel like you’ve lost hope, time or the idea of becoming a parent through IVF.
• Self-Doubt: Even though IVF doesn’t define your worth, you may question your ability to become a parent.
• Frustration: You might feel angry at the IVF process, your body or the situation.
• Numbness: Sometimes numbness can set in after such a profound disappointment.

Dealing with the emotions of IVF failing can be overwhelming, but there are coping strategies that can help. It’s important to find ways to care for yourself emotionally and mentally during this difficult time.

1. Take Time to Process Your Feelings

Give yourself time to grieve the loss of failed IVF. Don’t feel pressured to “move on” quickly — healing is a process that takes time.

2. Practice Self-Care

Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your pain without judgment and taking care of your emotional needs. You can get some rest and relaxation or do activities that bring you comfort.

3. Talk With Loved Ones

Sharing your feelings with those close to you can provide comfort and relief. Sometimes just having someone listen can make a big difference.

4. See a Mental Health Professional

A fertility counselor can help you process the intense emotions of a failed IVF and offer tools for moving forward.

5. Reach Out for Support and Counseling

We offer personalized support and counseling services to help you get through this difficult time.

4 Options After a Failed IVF Transfer

When IVF doesn’t work, it’s natural to feel like your options are limited. But there are still many paths you can explore to grow your family. Here are a few alternatives you might want to consider discussing with your partner:

• Surrogacy: A gestational surrogate can carry your embryo, giving you the chance to become a parent even when IVF isn’t possible.
• Egg Donation: Egg donation involves using another woman’s eggs to create embryos.
• Sperm Donation: Using donor sperm can be a way to move forward with IVF or other fertility treatments.
• Adoption: You could choose to welcome a child into your home by pursuing domestic, international or foster care adoption.

Explore Surrogacy

Surrogacy offers a powerful way to turn your situation around when IVF hasn’t worked. Even if you’ve faced multiple failed transfers or pregnancy losses, a gestational surrogate can give your embryos the best possible environment to thrive. Since surrogates undergo extensive medical and psychological screening and must have a history of healthy pregnancies, this path minimizes many of the unknowns that can make fertility treatments feel unpredictable.

Finding Hope With Surrogacy When You’re Struggling With IVF Failure

Many couples and individuals who have experienced IVF failure have gone on to become parents through surrogacy. Hearing their stories may offer a glimmer of hope.

Lindsey and Shiloh

“When you want a baby, you want it right now — you wanted it yesterday — so it’s very, very hard to be patient, but in the end, it’s worth it,” said Lindsey, an intended parent. “You want it to be a happy ending for everyone and, if you’re patient, it will come.”

Read more of her story.

Nicholas

“I had been waiting for so long that… when I saw Julian, I was just completely overwhelmed,” said Nicholas, an intended parent. “It was such a wonderful experience to see Julian coming into our world.”

Read more of his story.

Rebeka and Gilad

“Any parent knows the love you feel for your child is more than any other love you’ve ever experienced — it’s overwhelming,” said intended parent Rebeka. “How do you say ‘thank you’ to someone for doing that for you? Our son would not exist without our surrogate.”

Hear more of her story.

Next Steps After Failed IVF

It’s okay to give yourself space to process your feelings if you’re emotional after failed IVF. Taking care of yourself comes first. When you’re ready, you can reach out for support and explore your family-building options. You are meant to have a baby, even if it’s not the way path you imagined.