Coping With the Failure of IVF When Your Spouse Already Has Kids

KEY POINTS:

• IVF failure can happen for various reasons, even if your spouse has kids from a previous relationship.
• Processing emotions like guilt, jealousy and frustration is crucial for moving forward.
• Surrogacy is an alternative family-building option if IVF continues to be unsuccessful.

If your spouse already has children from a previous relationship, experiencing in vitro fertilization (IVF) failure can bring up difficult emotions.

It’s important to remember that IVF failure is common, and it’s not anyone’s fault. A range of factors can influence fertility.

Despite knowing this, you may still be dealing with guilt, jealousy or even resentment. Processing these emotions now can help prepare you to take the next step in your family-building journey.

Don’t give up hope. Learn more about moving on after failed IVF. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support and guidance as you determine what to do next. We’re here to help you navigate this challenging time.

In this article, we’ll go over five emotions you might be feeling, some common reasons for IVF failure and a few helpful coping strategies.

Dealing With IVF Failure When Your Spouse Has Kids

The failure of IVF when your spouse already has kids can be emotionally challenging. It can stir up complex feelings and lead you to question why things aren’t working out.

Here are five emotions you might encounter:

• Guilt: You might feel guilty for not being able to conceive, even though it’s beyond your control.
• Depression: The repeated disappointment of failed IVF attempts can weigh heavily on your mind and heart.
• Inadequacy: You may feel like you’re not “enough” because IVF isn’t working, which can be hard to cope with.
• Jealousy: Seeing your spouse’s children can trigger feelings of jealousy.
• Frustration: The emotional and financial toll of IVF failure can leave you feeling deeply frustrated.

Learn more about managing the emotions of failed IVF.

How to Cope With IVF Failure

Dealing with IVF failure can be incredibly difficult, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Here’s how to cope after failed IVF:

1. Talk With a Mental Health Professional

A therapist can help you work through complex emotions. Whether you choose to see someone individually or as a couple, a mental health professional can offer a safe space to process your feelings and develop strategies for coping with IVF failure.

2. Communicate Openly With Your Spouse

Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. Share your thoughts and be honest about your feelings. This will help you both feel more supported and connected as you continue your fertility journey together.

3. Turn to Your Support Network

Friends, family members and support groups can be invaluable during this time. Lean on the people in your life who want to be there for you, or seek out online or in-person support groups for individuals going through similar experiences with IVF.

What Causes IVF to Fail?

IVF failure can happen for a variety of reasons. Here are a few factors that might explain why IVF hasn’t worked for you and your spouse:

Age

Age plays a significant role in fertility. As you get older, your chances of getting pregnant naturally decrease. By the age of 40, the chance of conceiving naturally is around 5%. While assisted reproductive technologies like IVF can boost your odds, age may still be a limiting factor.

Health Conditions

Certain health conditions can impact your ability to conceive through IVF. These conditions may affect egg or sperm quality, embryo implantation or overall reproductive health. Consulting with your fertility specialist can help you identify any underlying conditions and determine how to deal with IVF failure.

Secondary Infertility

Secondary infertility refers to the inability to conceive after having one or more biological children. This can be particularly surprising and distressing when your spouse has previously conceived naturally. Fertility changes over time, and factors like age, health or lifestyle can contribute to secondary infertility.

Is IVF More Successful if You Already Have a Child?

While it might seem logical that IVF would be more successful if you or your spouse already have children, this isn’t always the case. There are no guarantees when it comes to IVF. It’s important to manage your expectations and keep in mind that every person’s fertility journey is unique.

Exploring Other Family-Building Options: Surrogacy

If the failure of IVF when your spouse already has kids feels like too much of an emotional burden, gestational surrogacy may be a viable alternative for building your family. In surrogacy, another person will carry the baby for you. This can be more effective because it bypasses some of the challenges associated with implantation and pregnancy.

Depending on your circumstances, you could use embryos made from your own sperm and eggs for surrogacy. This would allow you to maintain a genetic connection to your child. However, if your doctor has concerns about the quality of your or your spouse’s eggs or sperm, donor options could be worth exploring.

If you’re considering this next step, don’t hesitate to reach out for more information. Gestational surrogacy could be the path that helps you finally achieve your dream of parenthood after dealing with IVF failure.