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Intended Parents

How Will I Feel Using a Sperm Donor?

Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) has allowed intended parents experiencing infertility issues the opportunity to become parents. If using a sperm donor is part of your IVF or surrogacy journey, you may be feeling various emotions.

From the excitement of potentially becoming a parent to realizing you’ll lack a genetic connection to your child, it’s perfectly normal to feel a variety of ways. Using a sperm donor may not have been part of your plans.

Coming to terms with using a sperm donor is important for accepting what it is and allowing you to prepare for parenthood.

Contact us online to learn more about infertility counseling and professionals near you.

This article will discuss some of the emotions that you may be feeling, why you may be feeling them and tips on how to address these emotions.

Emotions of Using a Sperm Donor for IVF

Learning that using a sperm donor may be part of your journey to becoming a parent can bring several emotions such as:

You may feel like you are not doing your part if you can’t use your own sperm to help create your child. 

Having a “mini-me” of yourself running around may have been something you were looking forward to. Not having a genetic connection to your baby may make you feel a sense of loss and grief. 

Depending on how many different forms of assisted reproductive technology (ART) you’ve tried to become parents, using donor semen could give you hope that parenthood is still a possibility for you.

Infertility can be frustrating. It’s a more complicated process than a traditional pregnancy and infertility can feel unfair, like your body is working against you as you try and grow your family.

As much as using a sperm donor may be a disappointment initially; you may feel an immense amount of gratitude for IVF with donor semen giving you the chance to be a parent. 

Will I Regret Using a Sperm Donor?

If you have initial reservations around using a sperm donor, that’s OK. You’re not alone and its perfectly normal to think about.

But at the end of the day, there should be no regret in using the resources and technology that’s available to help you live out your dream of becoming a parent.

You could have been waiting months or even years to experience what parenthood is like and using a sperm donor can help make that experience a reality.

How to Accept Using a Sperm Donor

Coming to terms with using a sperm donor may be something you have been working through or something you recently learned.

No matter what the case is, using donor sperm has become widespread in reproductive medicine and ART.

In 2022, the National Library of Medicine released a report that noted from 1996 to 2014, using a sperm donor in IVF cycles increased from 3.8% to 6.2%. It also estimated that almost half a million women used a sperm donor for fertility treatments in 2017.

Accepting that using a sperm donor may be needed for your path to parenthood may not be easy, but here are some ways that can help you process the news:

  • Talk to Your Friends: Don’t feel like you have to tackle this alone. Whether it’s a close friend group, a sibling or just someone you’ve known for a long time, consider talking to them about what you are feeling.
  • Get Professional Support: There are infertility counselors who can help you work through the emotions of using a sperm donor.
  • Journaling: If you feel caught up in your thoughts, get them out by writing them down. Putting pen to paper could help you identify what you are feeling and why.
  • Think of the Future: If coming to terms with using a sperm donor is difficult, think about what you felt when you decided to grow your family. Experiencing parenthood is a life-changing opportunity and using a sperm donor can make that possible.
  • Find Support Groups: Whether in person or line, there are support groups where you can talk with those who have had similar experiences. RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, has a tool to help you find support groups by topic, location, online or in person. Mental Health Professional Group, part of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine also has an extensive list of support groups for all sorts of topics surrounding infertility.

If regret about using donor sperm is something that’s crossed your mind, remember that connection goes much further than just DNA.

The relationship you build with your child and the love and support they’ll receive from you is what matters.

Fill out our online contact form to get the support you deserve on this life-changing journey. Whether that’s finding a fertility clinic that has a sperm donor program or getting infertility support, we’re here for you.  

Using a Sperm Donor [FAQ]

What Happens When You Use a Sperm Donor?

Using a sperm donor sees that donor’s sperm thawed and analyzed before being combined with the egg of the intended mother or an egg donor to create embryos. Those embryos will be transferred to the uterus of the intended mother.

How Do Sperm Donor Babies Feel?

According to a study done by the Center for Bioethics at Harvard Medical School that asked donor conceived individuals about their conception, 85% reported a different “sense of self” upon learning how they were conceived with “about half” using professional help to address the emotions.

What Do I Need to Know Before Using a Sperm Donor?

Before using a sperm donor you should know that whether it’s a known or anonymous donor, there are medical history checks, genetic testing for diseases and infectious disease screenings as well as requirements any potential sperm donor must meet before they can donate.

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