Getting to Know the Intended Parents

Getting to know the intended parents you might be carrying for is an exciting and important part of the surrogacy process.

If you’re not sure what questions to ask during your intended parent search, get in touch with a surrogacy professional to get the assistance you need.

Getting to know intended parents means learning who they are and if they really are the right people to partner with throughout your surrogacy journey. For many surrogates, talking to intended parents in person or over the phone gives them that “gut feeling” when trying to find the perfect match.

In this article, find out more about how you can get to know intended parents and what questions to ask to make sure you are the perfect fit for each other.

Communicating with a Prospective Match

At this point in your surrogacy journey, you will have completed your surrogate profile, viewed profiles of families who may be a good fit for your surrogacy plan, and found a potential match who has reciprocated interest and wants to get to know you. This is an exciting time in your surrogacy journey!

When both parties have reciprocated interest in one another, the next step is to set up an initial meeting or conference call to get to know one another better. If you choose to work with a surrogacy agency, your surrogacy specialist can set up this meeting for you, give you some tips on connecting with the intended parents and mediate the conversation.

During this initial meeting or phone conversation, you will want to focus on getting to know the intended parents on a personal level. It helps to make a personal connection and find common ground with the intended parents before diving into the details of your surrogacy plans.

Here are some basic questions you may want to ask your intended parents as you begin your initial conversation:

• What kinds of things do you like to do? What are your interests?
• What are your values? What is important to you?
• What is your family like? Are they supportive of your surrogacy plans?
• Have you been considering surrogacy for a while? What got you interested in becoming a surrogate or adding to your family through surrogacy?

You may also want to ask the intended parents about information they included on their profile, such as their professional or educational background, their spouse or partner, and the region where they live.

Allow the conversation to progress naturally, as you would when getting to know any new friend. Your surrogacy professional can provide additional suggestions for connecting with the intended parents during your initial phone call.

Getting to Know Intended Parents

As a prospective surrogate, you want to be sure you choose the right intended parents to work with throughout the surrogacy process. If you work with a surrogacy agency, some of this work will be done for you — you will only be presented with potential intended parents whose plans and preferences complement your own.

However, when you are ready to get to know a potential intended family better, you will still need to ask some clarifying questions about their surrogacy goals — especially if you are finding intended parents without the help of an agency.

Questions to Ask Intended Parents

Here are some of the most important interview questions for intended parents as you evaluate your compatibility:

• How committed are you to surrogacy?
• When are you hoping to get started with the process?
• What kind of relationship would you like to have with me before, during and after the baby’s birth?
• How many embryo transfers will you attempt to achieve a pregnancy? How many embryos do you want to transfer at a time?
• Are you using your own eggs/sperm or a donor’s?
• Are you willing to get to know my partner and children throughout this process?
• What do you plan to tell your child about surrogacy when he or she is older? What do you plan to tell them about me?
• Does your family know about your surrogacy plans? Are they supportive?
• Do you have certain surrogacy, legal or medical professionals in mind to complete this process?
• What are your thoughts on pregnancy termination and selective reduction?
• What will you ask of me during the pregnancy?
• How do you plan to be involved in this journey?
• What are you most looking forward to about being parents?

Throughout your conversation, you will also need to be prepared to answer questions about your own surrogacy goals and preferences. A surrogacy specialist can help you build a solid surrogacy plan before meeting with intended parents so you can feel confident answering their questions.

What to Watch For When Interviewing Intended Parents

As you get to know intended parents, you should be looking for someone that you feel comfortable with and who agrees with you on important aspects about the surrogacy experience.

If you are working with an agency throughout the matching process, your prospective matches will have already gone through an extensive screening process to ensure they are safe to work with and committed to surrogacy. However, there are still some red flags to look for when getting to know the intended parents:

• Questioning the necessity of a legal contract or an attorney’s legal services
• A focus on the financial aspect — for example, intended parents asking to forego certain services to save money
• A sense of secrecy or unwillingness to talk about the surrogacy and pregnancy with friends and family
• A lack of support from either party’s partner or family
• Rushing through the conversation, not asking their own questions or not seeming interested in getting to know you

While some of these factors may have a reasonable explanation, these are issues that need to be resolved prior to signing any legal documents or beginning the medical process. You should trust your instincts when talking to a potential match. If it doesn’t feel “right,” you may not have found your match yet. When in doubt, consult with a surrogacy professional for guidance.

Final Thoughts

Getting to know the intended parents is an exciting and essential step in the process, and one that puts you that much closer to developing a special relationship unlike any other. If you’re ready to begin your surrogacy journey or have questions about getting to know the intended parents, reach out to a surrogacy professional today.